


Ten Second Weddings

by Frostberry



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: F/M, Payback time, bulma gets what she wants, vegeta is a fucking asshole
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:01:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28149504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frostberry/pseuds/Frostberry
Summary: Instead of Whis and Beerus gate-crashing Bulma’s birthday, they Gatecrash her wedding.
Relationships: Bulma Briefs/Vegeta
Kudos: 15





	Ten Second Weddings

“When are we getting married?” Bulma asked the all important question, after asking it once a year or so for the twelve or so years she had been with Vegeta. Although looking at how filthy he was and the fact there was an extra small wrinkle on his face that wasn’t there two days before, it seemed though he’d been in the hyperbolic time chamber  _ again _ . 

So for Bulma, twelve years she’d been with him. Vegeta? Probably twenty by now.

Vegeta washed his face under the garden tap, getting splashes of water on Bulma’s louboutins.

“Why? You want to get hitched on Namek?” His voice was raspy.  _ Definitely two years. Maybe three. _

Bulma looked at him and squinted her blue eyes. “What do you mean?”

“Most alien races get married at the place where they meet.” Vegeta shook excess water out of his hair, spraying Bulma in the face. He hadn’t even looked at her yet; maybe he didn’t want to because he hadn’t for a long time. 

She cringed. No way. “Uh… there’s no Old Namek anymore?”

“Hmm. Right,” this was probably the most effort Vegeta had put into conversations for the last two years. “So how do humans get married?” 

Bulma started to explain, giving Vegeta an earful of how beautiful wedding dresses were and how amazing it was that all friends and family got together for celebrations, and how there were different traditions around the world - but then he cut her off. “Actually, I don’t want to know.”

Bulma started to argue about how much of a piece of shit he was until he turned off the translator implant in his ear so he didn’t have to listen.

She poked at his ear and he scowled.

“One day I’m going to get a screwdriver and put that damn implant on permanently!”

He turned away, having no idea what she just said, and then vanished.

***

_ One week later _

Bulma Briefs did not know she was getting married until a marriage certificate was shoved in her face. She blinked and looked up from her phone. “What is this?”

Vegeta glared at the cars in front of him before responding.

Next to Vegeta, who was driving, someone in a suit was peering behind the rolled down window who had the face of a dog. “You need to sign this please, m’am?”

“…I thought we were going to McDonalds?” said Bulma, looking confused. 

“No,” Vegeta snapped, making Man-Dog wince a little. “We’re getting married.”

Trunks, who was in the back, sniggered. Bulma glanced around her surroundings; it was definitely a drive thru, there were cars behind and in front of them. There were manicured hedges and plants surrounding them, and a sign on the side said  _ Ten Second Weddings - now available through Bitcoin and PayPal.  _

Bulma looked furious. “Why are you doing this through a wedding drive thru?” 

Vegeta said nothing, while Trunks put his hand in his second packet of potato chips. “Because it's only ten seconds.” Trunks said, spitting out bits of chip. Bulma cringed.

“Hurry up, woman!” Vegeta barked, tightening his grip. The steering wheel broke in half.

_ Oh for fucks sake.  _ She took out her nicest pen from her Birkin bag and scribbled an ineligible signature on the certificate. Vegeta snatched it back as soon as her pen left the paper and Trunks clapped. Bulma glared at both of them, with her I’m-going-to-kill-you expression, which made Trunks fall silent immediately. 

“Congratulations, here is your receipt,” Man-Dog said dully, giving Vegeta a receipt for 30, 000 zeni and a business card. “Remember to offer your services to other couples as they will get twenty percent off. Have a good day. Next.”

“Thirty thousand!?” Bulma shouted at Vegeta as the queue shuffled, the wheels going into the car to become flightless. He narrowly missed another car as he swerved with the substitute joystick, the marriage certificate falling down to Bulma’s feet.

They parked at Capsule Corp before turning the car into a capsule. Vegeta muttered something about going to his gravity room and stomped off.

When having to participate in normal Earth things – he would rather get things over and done with. That seemed to include getting married.

“Oh, yeah, here’s your ring.” Trunks hurriedly got a small box out of his pocket. “I think I was supposed to give it to you at the drive thru.”

Fuming, she took it from her son. 

Bulma wasn’t quite sure what to expect when she opened the red velvet box. She wasn’t quite – blown away by Vegeta’s (rare) thoughtfulness – she was expecting it to be something Trunks found at the bottom of a river or something. The golden band itself was thin, maybe it was so that it didn’t get in the way of her working – she peered at the gemstone. She didn’t quite know what sort of gemstone it was. It was a dark red with golden flecks. She squinted and to her surprised, the flecks moved. “Trunks, what is this?”

“It’s a ring, Mom.”

“Were you with your father when you brought it?”

“I was when he picked it up.”

“Which means he ordered it?” It always surprised Bulma when Vegeta did something out of character, like go to a shop without angrily complaining about it to Bulma first.

“Yeah, the bit in the middle is a gemstone from Planet Dad.”  _ You mean Planet Vegeta, honey.  _ “A Saiyan Stone. He had to get it cut because if he did it himself it would crumble.”

She put it on and it fit perfectly. “Does he know men wear wedding rings too?”

“No…?”

***

Bulma ignored the sweaty air as she smacked the outside button of the gravity room, and ignored the  _ fuck off  _ she heard from within and opened the door. “The wedding isn’t complete, you know.”

He stared at her, floating back down into a (gross) puddle of sweat on the floor. “What do you mean? We’re married in human terms.”

“That’s the ceremony, you completely missed the reception.”

“What reception? What do you mean? That wasn’t on the tv.”

Bulma narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean,  _ on the tv _ ?”

***

Later on after dinner, after Trunks had gone to bed, she knew Vegeta wasn’t done with his fifth training regime that day till 11, and so she went through the search history on their bedroom 75” flat screen television. Besides food, training and complaining about Kakarot, Vegeta’s fourth favourite thing to do was write ridiculous questions into Google or YouTube about Earth that he didn’t want to ask Bulma for fear of embarrassing himself. He also didn’t know about how she could access their search history either.  _ Best protein shakes on the market  _ and  _ where the nearest jewellers nearby  _ were the most recent searches, and the third most recent search was just titled  _ Wedding _ . She pressed the remote, and the first thing that came up on YouTube?

A  _ Ten Second Weddings _ advertisement. She watched as the furry Man-Dog popped his head cheerfully out of the window and explained, in ten seconds, why Ten Second Weddings were the cheapest and best Drive-thru wedding on Earth.

***

Chichi had arrived the next morning on the Nimbus Cloud, with Goten flying behind her. Bulma hadn’t seen Chichi use that thing for years and assumed she’d forgotten it existed.She wasn’t here to talk about weddings, either. “Goku broke our car and we can’t drive anywhere,” Chichi explained. She opened up the car from the capsule to find Goku had blasted a hole in it,“He swatted a fly.” However, that was short lived when she realised Bulma was admiring her ring and not exactly listening to her. 

“Oh, don’t worry about getting it fixed, I can just give you a new one,” said Bulma, putting the capsule in her pocket. Chichi tried to protest, saying it wasn’t fair, but Bulma put her hand up silently and she was quiet. She told Chichi about the day before, who was gobsmacked with Vegeta’s way of thinking. 

“That sounds like something Goku would do if I told him to organise our wedding.”

***

“This is my payback. He wanted a ten second wedding, I can make sure I spend as much as I can for as long as I can for our reception!” 

Bulma, Eighteen and Chichi watched Goten, Marron and Trunks run around the yard, following some butterflies. She didn’t usually mention her riches in front of Chichi, who was modest. However, now that Mr Satan gave Goku all that zeni, Bulma didn’t hold back.

“So I need something that is the most expensive, fantastic wedding reception with everyone we know just to make Vegeta squirm.”

“A planet?” Chichi suggested.

Bulma took out her laptop and had a look at the most luxury planets she could have the reception on, but then decided it was out of the question. Some people didn’t like to be away from Earth for too long, and also if it was going to be on a luxury planet, then Tights would definitely mention it to Jaco. Jaco would follow Bulma around making crude comments all night if he was there and ruin everything. 

Bulma shook her head.

“How about at the lookout?” said Eighteen. “Krillin and I married up there.”

Bulma sighed. “Don’t think Kami and Mr Popo would enjoy that. And besides, Vegeta would spend most of it in the hyperbolic time chamber. His wedding would end up being years long.” 

“Seventeen’s island? Goten, Marron and Trunks would love it.”

“Nah…” Bulma knew the place had a lot of Cell Juniors and didn’t want them gatecrashing her wedding. “Oh! I know! A cruise ship! I”ve always wanted one of those.”

“A cruise ship!? You gotta be out of your mind, Bulma!”

“What?” She pouted. “I can afford it. I’ll call it the  _ Princess Bulma _ , because technically I must be a Princess now, right?”

Chichi looked like she was about to faint, while the money-loving Eighteen smirked, “How can you  _ afford… _ ” Chichi said in a quieter voice.

“And for my wedding dress, it’s going to have thousands of diamonds on it!”

Vegeta had walked past at that moment, his training uniform ripped to shreds for the third time that day. He was eating a large ham leg, eating chunks out of it like the alien-caveman he was. “Oh pur-lease,” Vegeta rolled his eyes. “Those stupid space rocks are found everywhere in the galaxy.”

“Well, what is the rarest crystal then in the galaxy, then?” Chichi asked.

He paused for a moment, ham hock fat smeared over his mouth. “Quartz.”

“You got to be fucking kidding me!” Bulma snapped her laptop shut and glared at Vegeta. “That stuff is in our pond!”

“Well if I knew that then I  _ would _ have put Earth on the black market, wouldn’t I?”

“I’m not putting  _ quartz  _ on my wedding dress. It can be encrusted with diamonds, and if the world’s supply runs out, the kids can go and get us some.”

“Good idea, Bulma,” Eighteen drawled, “Let’s go wedding shopping.”

*** 

They went to a few shops, with Chichi gasping at every price tag she saw. It took a while to convince the shop manager that she had found a dress she liked and ordered it to be covered in diamonds.

“M’am, this would cost millions of zeni-“ the woman started, but Bulma threw her credit card down.

“I’m a damn quadrillionaire, I can do what I want.”

***

“Vegeta, you need a best man.” Eighteen had stopped Vegeta from going back into the gravity chamber for his evening training. Knowing he couldn’t exactly escape from her without destroying half his stuff, he stopped and decided to wait out what she wanted. Bulma was behind her, tapping away on her phone. Eighteen didn’t even budge an inch no matter how much Vegeta tried to push her out the way. 

“A what? Best man? What the fuck is that?” 

“It’s where your closest male friend or family do a speech for you at the reception, on how  _ wonderful  _ you are, and how much you mean to them,” Eighteen said with as much sarcasm as possible. She crossed her thin arms and smirked. “Gohan was Krillin’s best man, don’t you remember?”

“As if he’d remember something like that,” said Bulma, rolling her eyes. 

Vegeta was quiet for a few seconds. “I don’t need a best man. Nor a cruise ship for our reception!” 

“Fucks sake!” Bulma banged her hand on the wall of the gravity chamber. “You’re going to have either Goku or Tarble, I’m deciding now. And we are having our  _ reception  _ on a fucking cruise ship and that’s final!”

Vegeta then started retorting back in saiya-go, which was what he did when he got very angry at Bulma but didn’t want to say what he meant in case she threatened to switch off his precious gravity room. 

***

Bulma had directed her staff to order everything she needed after picking out what she wanted. Rare flowers, famous Michelin chefs, even the cruise ships  _ Princess Bulma  _ logo was painted on by a famous artist.

She had arrived the day before the reception to inspect the ship. It was second hand, which she’d never tell Eighteen that - mainly because it was decked out in what she wanted already and didn’t have to add anything. The dress, sleeveless and made out of soft charmeuse with embroidered flowers and diamonds sparkled like the waves surrounding the ship under the full blast of the sun. 

Bulma had threatened again to permanently switch on Vegeta's translator implant if he was late. Therefore, Vegeta literally turned up several hours early with Trunks at his side, whom he picked as ‘best man’, even though at first he'd asked for Future Trunks and threatened to blow up the ship if it ended up being Goku as his best man. However, Goku came a few minutes later after Vegeta had appeared, trying not to pick at the tuxedo he was wearing and whine. 

Vegeta was literally wearing his normal training outfit but with a cape. “A cape? Seriously?” Bulma gaped. 

He scowled. “Saiyan marriages do not have diamond dresses, or tuxedos.”

“Do Saiyans even  _ get  _ married that often? Or do they just procreate and run off to war every day?” 

“A rare event, and only to produce certain bloodlines. Usually royals like myself come from wedding lineages. However, we have traditions. A death at a Saiyan wedding is always a good wedding.” He pointed at Goku. “Kakarot, you must die, now.”

Goku frowned. “Why? I’ve already been dead before.”

“How inbred are you?” She was rapidly thinking of her poor Trunks who would be susceptible to various genetic diseases.

Vegeta ignored her. 

***

It was late afternoon when a literal  _ God  _ turned up to her wedding. 

They’d introduced themselves as Beerus and Whis, the latter being a sort of floating angel with a hint of gay. They had never been to Earth, and had only come to talk to Goku but stayed for the cocktails. In the meantime, Goku and Vegeta had already ripped their clothes to shreds, a side effect of the primal urge of a Saiyan to fight anything that screamed _danger_ to them. Both of them had shown off their Super Saiyan powers to a  _ slightly  _ interested Beerus; Whis on the other hand was ordering takeaway from a sushi stall. 

“What’s it like being married to a Saiyan?” asked Beerus, watching Krillin give the two Saiyans a senzu bean each after beating the living shit out of them. 

_ Everyday is seeing him get injured or being reckless,  _ she thought. “It’s like being married to a gym rat.”

Beerus didn’t quite understand what she meant, so he ignored it anyway. “And why are you getting married on a vessel in the ocean?” 

Bulma laughed, waving her hand. “This is just the  _ reception.  _ You see, Vegeta decided the other day to drive to a wedding drive thru service, and  _ that _ was possibly the most romantic thing he’s ever done for me. You see, he was just a space pirate who moved into my parents house, at first - and it went from there.” 

Vegeta threw her a dirty look as he recovered from Beerus’s fight, shooting daggers in her direction. She ignored him. “A Saiyan wedding, apparently, needs a death involved to be a good one.” 

“I can destroy them immediately, if you want me to.” said Beerus. 

Bulma shook her head. “No, don’t bother.” They watched coolly as Vegeta muttered under his breath about  _ death  _ and  _ killing Beerus  _ and  _ beating Kakarot.  _

Goku was still faceplanted on the floor. “Dude, maybe next time - not at your wedding, you think? Heh heh.” There was a thunk, and he passed out on the wooden deck.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Vegeta screamed at them, waiting for Beerus vs. Vegeta Round Two. "LORD BEERUS, YOU ARE MINE.” 

“That screaming is so Saiyan like,” Whis said, his mouth half full of octopus. 

“And totally not needed.” Added Beerus. “ _ Stop.”  _

Even without his paralysing power, Vegeta stopped in his tracks, his wrecked cape moving in the sea breeze. To Bulma’s surprise, he stood down, on one leg. 

She was shocked.  _ Did he look up online about engagements?? Why was he on one knee now??  _

“Please, Bulma…” He looked up at his wife, who was almost floored by this action. This was… it was getting too romantic for her. She blushed slightly, about to nod at whatever love Vegeta was going to confess. 

It all went downhill, however, when he opened his mouth again and turned to Beerus and Whis, still on one knee. “I want to train with you.” 

“Oh no you  _ don’t!”  _ She whacked him over the head, and to her inner-glee she could see Beerus and Whis wince. “You literally get married then try to run off with other men? You gotta be joking me!”


End file.
